Connecting Us

Meet Stephanie Schiff the Executive Director of Connect Us a Denver-based nonprofit, whose mission is to develop skills in young children necessary to becoming socially competent, self-confident, and resilient individuals through physical, creative, and collaborative play in a guided learning environment.  Stephanie talks about the importance of play and socialization especially for children on the autism spectrum.  She also addresses the social challenges that children with autism face on the playground and gives helpful ways to encourage engagement and connection.

In this episode we will discuss acceptance and inclusion and how it all starts on the playground.  Children socialize through play, not in a therapeutic office.  Stephanie shares how her program, Connect Us, teaches social skills in organic environments such as the playground and teaches children at a young age to be self-confident, inclusive, and accepting of ALL players on the playground.

IN THIS EPISODE:

– In this episode Stephanie Schiff, who is the Executive Director of Connect Us a non-profit program based out of Denver, CO, joins us.

– Connect Us is a non-profit organization that brings together all types of kids, at all types of developmental levels together and through intentional play the facilitators build self-confidence and social skills in order to create inclusive communities.

– Stephanie is amazing and what she has done is amazing. Some background about Stephanie, she has a son with autism and started Connect Us to help teach her son how to socialize.

– When Stephanie’s son started kindergarten he was trying so hard to make friends and fit in, but he just didn’t have the skills. Stephanie tried to get the school to help him integrate with other kids and help him socially. In a nutshell, they basically told her that they needed to be concentrating on test scores. The school told her that they didn’t have the luxury of helping her son to connect socially.

– Stephanie’s son started to withdraw and became depressed.  Before that he was a very happy child. He could not express what was going on so Stephanie started hanging out on the playground especially during recess.  She saw her son walking around the perimeter of the playground by himself. Anytime he would attempt to play he couldn’t.

– We are sure parents and professionals can relate to this story… watching their son or daughter walking around the playground alone and not really understanding how to socialize.

– We like to remind adults that kids socialize through play.

– It is really important to teach our kids how to play, and not in a robotic way, but in a natural way.

– Connect Us intentionally uses organic social environments like recess, summer camps, and after school programs to model and teach kids social skills.

– Connect Us does it through guided and collaborative play.

– Playing organically is important.  Playing in a therapy room is different than playing on a playground because there is more stimuli to be accounted for.

– When you are on the playground there’s so many things that go on that children aren’t prepared for because it’s so spontaneous.

– Stephanie’s team does an amazing job with knowing when to step in and prompt a child so that they are successful socially and when to step out.

– A lot of times when we go into schools we see aides over prompt children during play where they are hand over hand prompting and that’s not natural.  It is important to know when to step in and prompt and when to pull back.

– Stephanie tells her staff that they will know what they are doing is working when they are doing nothing.  When they can just stand back and see that every single child is engaged.  When they are not working that’s when they have hit their goal.

– Stephanie calls recess the “Lord of the Flies,” because you have 100 kids and 3 aides.  The aides job is to put out fires.  They do not engage with kids or to solve problems.  In fact what the aides teach kids to stop tattling.

– So what we teach kids right away is adults don’t want to hear they have a problem.  They are teaching kids to bottle up their problems and keep it to themselves.  They don’t teach the skills for children to survive on the playground.

– So the “Lord of Flies” mentality is survival of the fittest. So if you are a kid with issues or developmental disabilities, you inherently do not have the skills to survive on the playground.

– Those kids become ostracized… they become “loners” on the playground.

– It is really important to have programs like Connect Us to help teach kids to accept and be inclusive especially on the playground where kids socialize.

– Children spend 5 days a week, 6 hours a day, 9 months out of the year at school.  It is a social laboratory and adults have a responsibility to help these kids not just learn how to write and do math but how to relate to other people, how to make friends, how to include everybody.

– Stephanie also adds that it is really important to remember it is not about test scores.  Test scores can only get you so far in life.  In order to hold a job and maintain a job you have to have social skills.  Social skills are life skills. That’s how you learn to live independently.

– If we just focus on human connection vs. human accomplishment I think a lot could change.

– Social Skills are especially critical for kids with autism.  Stephanie found a study from the CDC in 2013 that children with autism are 28 times more likely to consider or attempt suicide.  These children are at increased risk, and it’s not due to neurological differences but due to social factors.

– Stephanie talks about how a lot of people think that children with autism brains are just different.  However, it is years of exclusion and not understanding why people are not fitting in is what is causing this to happen.

– Early intervention programs or meeting kids where they live, which is practically the playground, can prevent and address social exclusion and bullying.

– Teaching kids how to play on the playground can save a child’s life by reducing social anxiety and depression.

– Teaching kids that it is ok to be different… who cares.  We all have something we are good at and we all have something we struggle with.

– We need to normalize those differences and make it not a big deal.

– The one thing that surprised Stephanie at the start of her journey is that everything is teachable.  If we don’t take the time to teach our kids, they don’t know what they don’t’ know.

– It’s a 50/50 proposition is how Stephanie thinks of it.  Children have a responsibility to learn social skills we as adults have a responsibility teach it.

– You are not going to build skills in a therapist’s office.  It has to happen in natural environments out on the playground and afterschool programs.

– The skills generalize but it takes practice, practice, practice and confidence, confidence, and confidence!

– As a community its give and take. You have to be involved.

– It is the community’s responsibility as well. It takes a village.

– Stephanie highly recommends that parents see what their kid is doing at recess.  Then to ask their teacher how do other kids treat their child and how does their child treat others.

– Become your child’s advocate and that’s what Stephanie did at an early stage.

– Stephanie was climbing trees and had kids on her back.  She had to be the fun mom because her son didn’t inherently understand social skills.

– Stephanie also recommends to play and have fun and laugh.  Be a kid again!

RESOURCE:
Connect Us is based out of Denver, Colorado. If you would like to contact them get some play ideas or to talk about their program you can visit their website at www.connectusnow.org

QUOTE:

“Its not our differences that divide us. Its our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” Audre Lorde